Sabbatical Learnings -- 1 -- Is God Sufficient?
This summer has brought me into a different place. I have a different attitude about God's sufficiency in my life. I started this summer out, having left Northern, with about 9 months saved in order to be able to navigate my transition from Northern to something else. It is interesting when you step out saying you trust God, God brings us into situations in which we discover how much we really do trust God.
Well besides being involved in the things I had been planning to be involved in this summer -- 10 days with the folks of the Center for Parish Development in July/August, and 10 days in the Boundary Water Canoe Area with Outward Bound in August, there were numerous incidents which were unanticipated -- my daughter's car being totaled, computer and printer crashing, stove breaking down, and a host of other unexpected expenses.
I woke up one morning shaking, wondering how I am going to handle all this -- in two months had spent about 4 months worth and an income-producing teaching opportunity was cancelled. As I was struggling with this, I mentioned to God that I don't think I can handle this -- to which a clear response came -- who said you were to handle this? Who is the sufficient one here? Who is the one who holds all things together? Well I realized its God and not me. But do I trust God to be the sufficient one - the one who is able to take my family and I through this time? I wasn't so sure. So I confessed my lack of trust and asked for the courage to trust God in this. Well God responded. God filled me with a peace in which I can state without any hint of reservation, that finances is something I just do not worry about anymore. Not to say that money is rolling in -- its not -- but what I am saying its not mine to worry about. In fact when I received a check for some other teaching I did in September, I saw it not as earnings but a gift. I know there is no way I would be able to create such an attitude shift in my life -- this new attitude is a gift as well. In fact, for the first time in my life -- I truly am not worrying/concerned about where what we need to live is coming from. Its just not mine to be concerned about.
Lessons for pastoral ministry in this -- is that its not only finances, but ministry as well. Too often I found myself "creating" ministry, that ministry was up to me. But the same lesson applies -- who is creating the opportunities for ministry, who is setting the vision for ministry. In not worrying about this, I am discovering that God indeed does open the doors/opportunities for ministry -- do I have the ears and eyes to hear and see the opportunity. It is reshaping the whole way I am looking at life, ministry, finances, etc.
Roland
Well besides being involved in the things I had been planning to be involved in this summer -- 10 days with the folks of the Center for Parish Development in July/August, and 10 days in the Boundary Water Canoe Area with Outward Bound in August, there were numerous incidents which were unanticipated -- my daughter's car being totaled, computer and printer crashing, stove breaking down, and a host of other unexpected expenses.
I woke up one morning shaking, wondering how I am going to handle all this -- in two months had spent about 4 months worth and an income-producing teaching opportunity was cancelled. As I was struggling with this, I mentioned to God that I don't think I can handle this -- to which a clear response came -- who said you were to handle this? Who is the sufficient one here? Who is the one who holds all things together? Well I realized its God and not me. But do I trust God to be the sufficient one - the one who is able to take my family and I through this time? I wasn't so sure. So I confessed my lack of trust and asked for the courage to trust God in this. Well God responded. God filled me with a peace in which I can state without any hint of reservation, that finances is something I just do not worry about anymore. Not to say that money is rolling in -- its not -- but what I am saying its not mine to worry about. In fact when I received a check for some other teaching I did in September, I saw it not as earnings but a gift. I know there is no way I would be able to create such an attitude shift in my life -- this new attitude is a gift as well. In fact, for the first time in my life -- I truly am not worrying/concerned about where what we need to live is coming from. Its just not mine to be concerned about.
Lessons for pastoral ministry in this -- is that its not only finances, but ministry as well. Too often I found myself "creating" ministry, that ministry was up to me. But the same lesson applies -- who is creating the opportunities for ministry, who is setting the vision for ministry. In not worrying about this, I am discovering that God indeed does open the doors/opportunities for ministry -- do I have the ears and eyes to hear and see the opportunity. It is reshaping the whole way I am looking at life, ministry, finances, etc.
Roland
posted by Roland G. Kuhl at 7:48 AM
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